


Should Have Replaced 'Playboy' with 'Papa'

by HEClementine8



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Irondad, Kid Harley Keener, Kid Nebula, Kid Peter Parker, POV Multiple, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Avengers (2012), Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29171643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HEClementine8/pseuds/HEClementine8
Summary: How did these children get on the Helicarrier?And why are they hugging Stark?
Relationships: Harley Keener & Tony Stark, Nebula & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 340
Collections: underated irondad





	Should Have Replaced 'Playboy' with 'Papa'

Clint watched Fury’s lips, his chin resting heavily in his palm. He had turned his hearing aids off a half hour ago, the blinding headache doing him no favors. His free hand twitched, wanting to rub the spot where Loki’s scepter stole his mind from him, but Nat had already caught him doing it twice. 

Fury had been droning on for the last 45 minutes, most of it spent cursing the World Security Council for their morally dubious decision of sending a nuke into a city with 8.4 million people. Closing his eyes when a new wave of pain attacked his temples, Clint kept his breathing soft and even, though it felt like he was about to hyperventilate. The silence was heavenly. 

What would really do the trick is seeing his family. 

Vibrations ran up his elbow and he opened his eyes to see Fury’s fist on the metal table in the conference room. The director was still ranting, so Clint let his eyes wander over the people now known as The Avengers. 

To his left was Thor, the God of Thunder. The man was larger than life, taking up space, attention, and awe. He was built like a house for fuck’s sake. The man could single handedly take down one of those gargantuan leviathans without breaking a sweat. Take him out of a tense battle scenario and he was a golden retriever. He was fascinated by all the ‘quaint’ technology and the ‘cute’ mannerisms of humans. 

Next to Thor was Doctor Robert Bruce Banner; The Hulk. Banner was as unassuming as can be, awkward and uncomfortable in any social situation. But Clint had seen Stark bombarding the doctor with questions and equations, and even though no one else saw, Clint had watched as Banner relaxed the tiniest bit, tension easing from his shoulders. 

Hulk was another story, violent, but almost childishly so. He had _fun_ smashing. Plus, the green bean saved Stark and that had been one hell of a shock. 

Across from Banner was Nat. His best friend and the only woman on The Avengers. It was only because of their history and closeness that Clint knew it bothered her. She felt she had to prove herself to the team even though every single guy here was scared of her to some degree. He knew it was this secret, this deeply hidden insecurity that led her to write Stark’s appraisal like she had. Clint has spent the least amount of time with Stark and he knew a majority of that profile was bull shit. 

Next to Nat was the Star Spangled Man with a Plan himself; Captain America AKA Steven Rogers. He wasn’t as large as Thor, but man, was he a bulky figure. Clint could admit the guy had been a good leader, he came up with some effective strategies against the invasion, but why was he picked as the leader? He was only defrosted a few months ago, the dude probably needed therapy. 

They probably all needed therapy. 

Nat had given him the lo-down on Rogers and Stark’s squabble and he almost wishes he’d been there. Come on, ‘Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist’? That’s gold, even he could admit. Stark was probably the only one of them, other than Banner, who _was_ someone without the ‘hero’ moniker. Take away Clint’s bow and he was a regular old agent. Take away Thor’s lightning and godliness and he was just a man. Take away Rogers’s super soldier serum and he was an asthmatic bean pole. Take away Nat’s past and the weak knockoff serum and she was just a woman. 

Stark and Banner didn’t need to be heroes. They did it because they felt they could do some good. Well, Banner was kinda forced into it. 

Clint wasn’t blinded by his own shortcomings enough to hate on Stark. He was an agent, or at least he hoped he still was. 

They were back on the Helicarrier, though Clint would have preferred not to be, seeing as he attacked the place. The wave of shame and loss of control was familiar at this point, seeing as he barely went five minutes without it. Coulson was dead, some of his coworkers were dead or wounded, and it was all because Clint couldn’t break through whatever mind fuck Loki had him under. 

Stark had been able to withstand it from what he heard. 

The billionaire, seated next to Rogers, was slouched in the uncomfortable metal chair beside a still cursing Fury, eyes glazed and empty. 

Haunted. 

Clint didn’t know the guy, but what he saw in that portal must have really fucked him up. Or it could have been the near-death experience. 

But according to his file, Stark had one of those every other week. To be honest, Clint was both impressed and horrified for the man. He wasn’t trained for this, he was a civilian. But yet he was ready to become a martyr without any hesitation. 

He loved Nat, but that didn’t sound like textbook narcissism to him. 

The pressure in the air suddenly changed - a door opened - and Fury’s lips paused in an ‘o’ shape. Clint hurriedly turned on his hearing aides and what happened next was the last thing he expected. 

Two tiny humans, like Cooper and Lila used to be, ran into the room, cheeks red and eyes a veritable waterfall of tears. 

While everyone else froze, stunned by the appearance of two little boys, Stark was up and out of his seat, taking four fast strides before falling to his knees with arms wide open. 

The two boys fell into his arms, faces buried in Stark’s chest, as the man wrapped his arms around them and desperately hugged them to his chest. 

Clint’s jaw was dropped and he was sure he wasn’t the only one. Looking around briefly, he saw his shock mirrored on the faces of everyone around him except for Fury. Thor looked both alarmed and delighted, Banner’s eyes were wide in fear and he was pressing himself back into his seat trying to put distance between himself and the fragile children. Rogers was mouthing ‘what the fuck’ to himself and even Nat looked taken aback. 

Fury looked resigned which was interesting. 

Focusing back on the scene taking up the room, the sniffles and sobs finally quieted down but both boys still had their faces pressed to Stark’s shirt. The intriguing thing was both had a hand on the center of his chest. Right over the glow of his arc reactor. 

“Star okay?” The smaller one, brown wavy hair and huge brown doe eyes, had his head tilted back enough to look at Stark, eyes periodically darting down to look at the reactor. 

Stark, eyes slightly red to everyone’s surprise, gave a shaky smile that was full of more warmth than Clint had ever seen from the guy. “Yeah, Pete, star is okay.” The kid, Pete, nodded seriously and lightly ran his fingers around the edges of the circle. 

The other kid sniffled again, but from what Clint could see, he was pouting and had a tight fist gently placed on the reactor. His messy blonde curls were all over the place and blue eyes oddly intense for a child. “Harl?” The kid shook his head rapidly before tucking himself beneath Stark’s chin. “Hey, hey, I’m okay, I came back.”

“You almost didn’t.” ‘Harl’ said quietly. There was an edge to his voice that spoke of old wounds.

“But I did.” Stark kept Pete tucked close to his side as he put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder and pushed his back a little to look at him. “I came back, Harley. But I needed to make sure you and Pete and Nebby were safe.” Brows furrowing, Stark whipped his head around with rising panic. “Where is your sister? Where’s Uncle Rhodey? How are you even here?” 

_Sister?_

By this point, the rest of The Avengers were confused, lost, and impatiently waiting for an explanation. 

Pete tangled one hand in Stark’s long sleeve shirt and took his other thumb out of his mouth. “Unca’ Rhodey brought us! He said somethin’ abou’,” His face scrunched up for a moment, “uh, guilt trip? Papa what’s guilt trip?”

Record scratch, freeze frame. Hold up, ‘ _Papa’_?!

The Avengers didn’t even have time to voice their questions when Harley hastily wiped away the wetness on his cheeks before crossing his arms and squaring his shoulders. “We had to make sure it was safe for her. That’s what you always say ‘look out for your sister’ and that’s what we’re doing!” Harley stubbornly pushed out his lower lip and stared down Stark. 

The man _melted_ and Clint knew Pete didn’t make a mistake. That there, that was the look of pure adoration and perpetual worry that fathers across the globe wore. Clint would recognize it anywhere because he’s seen it on his own face. 

Stark pulled Harley in and pressed a kiss to his messy curls before doing the same to Pete. “You’re right, that’s exactly what I said. I’m so proud of you two for making sure it's safe for your sister.” 

Pete _glowed_ with the praise while Harley looked sufficiently smug. Stark smiled again, laugh lines deep in his face betraying how often this man smiled. “Now, make your assessment, Pain and Panic, so your sister can join.” 

Harley turned his uniquely sharp gaze to the room while Pete tapped once more on Stark’s ‘star’ before bouncing over to _Fury_. Clint gripped his arm rests and the rest of The Avengers leaned forward in their chairs, even if Nat pretended she didn’t by immediately relaxing back. 

Pete tugged on the SHIELD Director’s leather trench coat. “Nicky! Hi! It’s Peter!” Clint flung a hand up to cover his mouth when Fury sighed and looked annoyed. But Clint could see he wasn’t annoyed, no, he was _fondly exasperated_. 

Clint was losing his mind. Again. 

“Yes, I know Pete.” 

Doe eyes went wide and a tiny gasp escaped his mouth. “You remembered!” Nat, the Black Widow, top Red Room graduate, honest-to-god put a hand to her chest in visible adoration. 

Peter was grinning widely, tiny fists wrinkling Fury’s coat. “How’s Goose?” 

Fury, The Agent™ , crouched down to be eye level with the kid. “Goose is as feisty as ever. I’ll tell her you said ‘hi’.” 

Peter gasped again. “You will? Thank you!” Baby teeth on full display, the kid turned back to his ‘Papa’. “Papa, did you hear? Nicky’s going to tell Goose ‘hi’ for me!” Stark was beaming, some of that familiar sarcasm coming through as he looked at Fury. 

“That’s very nice of him. Maybe he can bring Goose by the tower so you can play with her.” The next gasp was louder than the last two, and soon Fury was being exposed to the full power of the feared ‘puppy dog eyes’. 

Clint was suddenly distracted by the sudden appearance of Harley a couple inches from where he was seated. How’d the kid do that?

Harley was staring deep into his soul and didn’t break eye contact for at least a minute, and Clint was sweating. Not that he’d ever admit being slightly intimated by a five year old. Finally, the kid nodded to himself, “You’re good.” and then he moved on to Thor. 

Huh. Why did he feel warm inside?

* * *

Bruce watched with wild trepidation, Hulk shifting restlessly at the back of his mind, as Harley made his judgement on Thor. 

Because seriously, what was happening? Tony had _three_ kids? For a split second he was worried he was the only one who didn’t know, but a quick glance around the room rid him of that notion. _No one_ except Fury knew. 

“What do you think of my Papa?” Harley had his hands on his hips doing his best to look stern in front of the God of Thunder. 

Thor had a blinding smile on his face as he stared down at the blonde, Bruce was just waiting for the Asgardian to squeal. “The Man of Iron is a formidable fighter and a dauntless hero, Starkson! His battle prowess is something to be celebrated! We had a glorious fight when we first met, I am proud to call him a Shield Brother!” 

He had to wonder if Thor’s face ever got tired from smiling so much or if his enhanced physiology negated that onset of muscle fatigue. Bruce would bet his seven PhDs that Thor’s lactate threshold was off the charts. 

Bruce was forcefully broken from his mind when the Hulk grumbled hesitantly at the approaching child. Paling, the doctor tried to push his chair back but soon realized it was bolted to the floor. He knew he wasn't being subtle whatsoever, but _god_ this kid was so tiny and vulnerable. 

Harley (Tony’s _kid_ ) narrowed his eyes as he analyzed Bruce. There was a brief pause before the unnervingly solemn boy broke out in a grin. “You’re good! Hulk saved Papa, and Papa likes both of you. You won’t hurt Nebby!” And like that the kid stalked away and turned his attention to Romanoff. 

Blinking absently, Bruce was still stuck on his astonishment even as Hulk rumbled about how much he liked ‘Tin Man’s baby’. He got this kid’s approval so quickly just because Tony liked him? 

Once again, Bruce was broken from his thoughts by a different child coming up to him. Peter’s eyes were practically sparkling when he grabbed onto Bruce’s jacket sleeve. The kid opened his mouth a few times, looking like a fish. Tony chuckled in the background before Peter finally got his thoughts in order. “You’re Dr. Banner.” 

“Uh, yes?”

Peter tugged harder on Bruce’s sleeve. “No, you’re _Dr. Banner_ ! Papa read me your stuff on anti-electron collisions. It was _cool_.” The kid whispered the last word and seemed to finally realize he was talking to Bruce. His eyes got even wider and he looked up, staring at him with stars in his eyes. Tony was muffling his laughter in the background. 

For a moment, Bruce was terrified he was about to transform with how fast his heart was beating. After a moment he realized that instead of cold anger, he felt kinda warm. 

“Plus,” Peter leaned in closer, his whisper was more of a shout, “Papa is getting ev-evi…” He frowned, “ _proof_ on that doo doo head Rossy.” Grinning brightly, Peter stepped back, unable to see how his words shook Bruce to the core. 

“I don’t like you either.” Peter, Bruce, Tony, and everyone else whipped their heads around to see Harley glaring at Captain America. 

Oh man. 

* * *

Natalia felt… weird. She long ago accepted the fact she couldn’t have children, she’s made peace. She didn’t even like children, they were loud, messy, and the complete opposite of discrete. 

But goddamn something about Peter made her want to _coo_. Even Fury couldn’t hide his adoration for the kid. Peter was sunshine hyped up on children’s multivitamins. 

Harley on the other hand…

“I don’t like you.” His eyes, eyes so young, were hard and unforgiving. Natalia learned, after harsh painful lessons, that caring what other people thought was _fatal_. 

But something about this kid, _Stark’s_ kid, not liking her rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe it was the kid’s audacity?

“Oh?” She kept her face and voice perfectly smooth, even added a lilting sweetness to it to lower the kid’s guard. 

But Harley didn’t budge. Didn’t soften. “You wrote mean things about my Papa. Plus you lied to Auntie Pepper. And Uncle Happy. And Uncle Rhodey. But _especially_ Papa. He was dying, did you know? Cause I didn’t. But you still wrote mean things. So, I don’t like you. If you hurt my sister, my potato gun will _do_ mean things.” Harley stared with such righteous indignation, Natalia felt legitimately put in her place. Not something she feels often. Not something she feels ever. 

She knew what she wrote about Stark was all lies. Stark was the biggest people-pleasure she’s ever met and she knew the things she wrote would kick his ass into gear hoping to impress SHIELD. It worked, or she assumes it did. 

Natalia wasn’t really sure anymore. She hated feeling uncertain. Uncertainty got you killed. 

Reading Stark had been easy. Every action, every word, every expression screamed his true intentions. 

But now she realized… maybe it was all a front. After all, he managed to hide _three fucking children_. How did he do that? She had been to his house! She had access to JARVIS! 

Now she thought maybe she only had access to what Stark wanted her to. 

Harley was still staring at her with all the emotional capacity five year olds were capable of. Which was a lot. Clearing her throat, Natalia sighed and let her mask relax. “I know they were lies. Your Papa is a good man.” Blue eyes softened the tiniest bit, and Natalia counted that as a win.

“Don’t hurt Nebby and you’re good.” 

She nodded solemnly. “I won’t hurt… Nebby.” What kind of a name was Nebby?

Nodding once, Harley moved on to his next victim. Mr. Captain America himself. 

“I don’t like you either.” 

Natalia coughed to cover up her laugh. She’s known Rogers for all of 24 hours and she immediately got the read that he was used to people looking up to him; children especially. This was probably a new experience for him. 

She leaned back in her seat and prepared for the show. 

Rogers hasn’t looked this insulted - well, since the chat with Stark yesterday. This boy, Harley, _Stark’s son_ , was staring at Steve like he personally ran over Harley’s puppy. 

“You _said_ mean things to my Papa. What are _you_ without your stupid anabolic super steroids? My Papa doesn’t need his suit to be a hero.” Steve gaped, Clint muffled a bark of laughter, and Stark yelped in the background. 

“Harley! What have I told you about hacking JARVIS?” 

The blonde pouted and stomped his foot. “I didn’t!” Natalia smirked, inwardly relieved Harley was acting like a kid again. 

“Harley Edwin Stark.” Natalia frowned and raised her eyebrows, impressed. She’s never heard Stark sound so serious and so amused at the same time. 

“If I may, sir.” Everyone in the room tensed, hands going to readily available weapons when an unexpected voice reverberated through the room. 

Fury looked like he was about to blow a gasket. “STARK! What the fu...heck…” He awkwardly trailed off when Peter trotted over with a trembling bottom lip and staring up at him with huge soulful eyes. 

Stark ignored Fury, rolling his eyes and looking at the closest camera. “JARVIS, darling, I thought we were going to keep your little infiltration secret.”

“Of course, sir, but I had to come to young sir’s aid.” Natalia watched as Stark tried to keep his face stern, but could see the pride in his eyes. “I sent footage to Colonel Rhodes and the young sirs just happened to be in the room.” 

Stark looked like he was about to tear up. Harley took this time to stomp up to his _father_ and cross his arms. “Not JARVIS’s fault. It’s _his_ for talking to you like that. He had no reason.” Harley harshly pointed in Steve’s direction Natalia watched as the super solider’s face crumbled. 

Both he and Stark were out of line yesterday. Stark for trying to get Banner to change and Rogers for attacking Stark’s character without really knowing him. 

“JARVIS isn’t in trouble and neither are you. Now, has everyone passed your inspection? It’s not nice to keep your sister waiting.” 

Peter piped in, “She’s with Unca’ Rhodey!”

Stark gulped. “Rhodey’s here?” Natalia could understand his hesitation. Rhodey was his common sense brain cell and would no doubt tear into Stark for risking his life while his kids watched. 

“NEBBY!” Harley’s shout interrupted Stark’s panic and in the next second the door was flung open and a tiny, tiny, little girl toddled in. 

Something squeezed Natalia’s long-dead withered heart at the sight. The girl must have been all of three years old, her skin was a dark umber, but had an ashen grey appearance to it. 

Every strand of hair on the girl’s body was missing. 

But her coal eyes were shining as she teetered into Stark’s awaiting arms. The billionaire gently wrapped her up before standing, holding the tiny girl to his chest. “Papa…” Her voice was a little weak, but otherwise sounded like a three year old should. 

“Hi sweetheart.” 

Taking a quick look around the room, she could see her fellow Avengers all looked smitten and heart broken in equal measures. Thor had both hands framing his cheeks and Clint looked like he was remembering his own children at that age with the sappy expression on his face. 

“Did you have fun with Uncle Rhodey?” Nebby tucked her head beneath Stark’s chin and tapped the glowing circle in his chest. 

“Mhm.” She hummed, eyelids fluttering. 

Stark dramatically gasped looking down at her, startling his daughter in wakefulness. “Do I see… eyelashes?” 

Nebby imitated his gasp, eyes going wide as she crossed them trying to see. Now that Natalia was looking, she could see tiny little hairs peeking out above her eyes. 

“I do! Ready, let's grow them more, one-two-three-push!” Both squeezed their eyes shut, puffing their cheeks as they ‘pushed’. When Stark opened his eyes again, he beamed. “It worked! They’re a little longer!” Nebby giggled, itty bitty dimples appearing on her cheeks. Stark leaned down to kiss her cheek. 

He looked down at his two sons who were waiting semi-patiently beside him. “You both kept Nebula very safe, I’m proud of you.” The boys beamed happily, even as The Avengers internally questioned _‘Nebula?’_

“Stark.” Fury’s one word caused an immediate shuttering of Stark’s face, it almost gave Natalia whiplash. Shaking his head, Stark knelt down with Nebula still in his arms. “Alright you little terrors, I need you to hang out with Uncle Rhodey for a little while longer. I have a boring meeting to finish and then we’ll go home and watch Star Wars, okay?” Peter clapped his hands together while Harley rolled his eyes in good humor. 

Nebula frowned and tightened her grip around Stark’s neck. “Papa…” 

It was then Natalia saw Stark’s mask truly crumble. 

He looked _flayed alive._

“Hey, hey starlight, I’m alright, I’ll be with you in 10 minutes, 10 minutes can you do that for me?” Chin wobbling, Nebula nodded, staring at the arc reactor for a moment before wiggling to be let down. 

Stark gently set the toddler down, and she took an unsteady step back. “Ah, ah, kiss tax.” That got a smile out of Nebula, and she stepped forward. The two kissed each other’s cheeks with a theatrical ‘MUAH’. Peter practically stumbled over himself for his turn and Harley pretended he didn’t want to but didn’t hesitate for more than three seconds before he also paid his ‘kiss tax’. 

“Alright, off to Uncle Rhodey. Set a timer for 10 minutes.” Harley took those words to heart, already inputting it into his shiny red watch. The three children trotted out of the room, Peter holding Nebula’s tiny hand in his own. Harley sent one more analyzing look to the room before shutting the door behind him. 

  
  


* * *

Steve was somewhat numb at the moment. The last 24 hours were already enough to do that, once again donning the Captain America mantle, meeting two Asgardian gods, and fighting an alien army. 

But the last 20 minutes in this conference room had him flooding with emotion. Stark had _children_. Children he obviously loved and adored so clearly it was almost blinding. 

He wasn’t one to admit he was wrong. He knew it was a fault of his, but he’d been told ‘no’ so much throughout his life, he pushed and pushed without looking back. He could always make it up with actions. Maybe this time he pushed too far and only words would make things better. 

Everything he read about Stark was wrong, it was so, so wrong. The man had most literally made the sacrifice play. He risked never seeing his kids again so that they could have a future. Steve felt a little sick. 

What is Stark without the armor? A lot, apparently. 

As soon as the door clicked shut behind Harley, Stark looked like a puppet with his strings cut. He rubbed the bridge of his nose before straightening up, that familiar arrogant mask coming into play. “So, can we wrap this up? Got things to do, people to see. Chop chop Agent cyclops we got a debrief to finish.” Stark plopped into his chair, doing his damndest to pretend the last 20 minutes never happened. 

Fury sighed, looking down at the metal table. “Might as well tell them, Stark.” 

The man in question’s face hardened, and Steve suddenly understood the moniker ‘Merchant of Death’. This Stark looked like he would happily silence anyone right now. 

“Fine, but let me be clear. Only seven people knew about those kids, and two of them are now dead because they _threatened_ them. If you so much as _whisper_ about their existence to _anyone_ , I will know.” Stark pointedly flicked his gaze to the cameras in the room, reminding everyone of his one-of-a-kind, and very protective, AI. 

That he invented. 

When he was 17. 

Steve couldn’t believe he forgot to be wary of Stark’s mind. He must have been twice as smart as Howard. 

Leaning forward, Stark braced his hands on the table, his presence suddenly overwhelming and unavoidable. “I adopted Peter Parker and Harley Keener two months before I was abducted by the Ten Rings. Harley had been abandoned by his deadbeat father and Peter’s parents died and any remaining family weren’t able to take him. I met them at one of my monthly visits to Swan Children’s Home. Peter was six months old and Harley was almost two and had appointed himself as Peter’s protector.” Stark was smiling at the memory. 

“I didn’t know you visited children’s homes? Wouldn’t the media be all over that?” Natasha’s words elicited a dark glare from Stark. 

“And what headlines do you think they would come up with? ‘Stark Corrupting Orphans’? Or how about ‘Stark Exploiting Foster Kids to Fix Reputation’? Yeah, then the children’s homes would be overrun by greedy bloodthirsty paparazzi with no care for people’s privacy.”

Silence greeted his words. Steve struggled not to grimace, knowing he’d probably think exactly that had he seen the headlines. 

“So, Peter Benjamin Parker became Peter James Stark and Harley John Keener became Harley Edwin Stark. Nebula came… after.” Here he was rubbing the arc reactor embedded deep in his chest. 

The reactor he’d gotten without anesthesia in a cave in Afghanistan. 

Steve withheld his shiver. 

“Nebula was adopted from South Africa by two astronomers, if you couldn't tell by the name. They dropped her faster than you can say ‘Leukemia’.” Banner sucked in air between his teeth and Steve frowned at the green creeping up his neck. Thor placed a heavy but supportive hand on Banner’s shoulder, and slowly the anger drained out of him. 

“I adopted her one year ago. We’ve been working with Doctor Helen Cho since to create a better treatment. Nebula Andromeda Tombaugh became Nebula Maria Stark. They _will not_ be entering the public eye until they are at least 13. No child should grow up before those sharks.” 

Steve knew he was referencing his own life in the spotlight. Stark had been two years old when Howard and Maria paraded him in front of reporters. 

“Who else knows?” Clint’s voice was soft and unobtrusive, something Steve hadn’t heard from him before. 

“Well, Obadiah Stane and Ivan Vanko knew, but they didn’t get the chance to tell anyone.” Stark’s face was dark at the memory. “The others are Colonel James Rhodes, Harold ‘Happy’ Hogan my head of security, Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts, Nicolas Fury, and Margaret Carter.” Steve jerked in his seat, his eyes immediately locking with Stark’s. He met Steve’s gaze unflinchingly. “She’s my godmother.” 

_‘Oh god’._

* * *

Thor had severely misjudged his comrade. Yes, he shared multiple similarities with Loki; the sarcasm and arrogance as a defense mechanism and their proclivity for tricks and cunning, but Stark was also selfless and passionate in a way Loki never was. 

The Man of Iron loved fiercely. 

He reminded Thor of Frigga. 

Standing up, Thor held mjolnir aloft, everyone’s eyes on him. “Man of Iron, I commend you for your selflessness and heroism. Bards will sing your name for generations to come! I swear on my hammer I will never tell another soul of the existence of your children; so mote it be!” Some lightning jumped over his knuckles and Thor mentally greeted the energy. 

Stark looked touched, even Thor could see that. “Thanks Point Break.” Beaming, Thor sat back down, sweeping his cape out of the way. 

“Yeah dude, I won’t tell a soul. Not even my own family.” That got various reactions of surprise. The Hawk was grinning, and Thor could see this was his normal demeanor without the weight of his brother’s transgressions. “Yeah, if we’re going to be a team there needs to be trust. Sta- Tony, Tony already started even though he didn’t really have a choice. I have a wife and two kids and a nice plot of land. We can be Dad Buddies.” 

The Man of Iron had an expression of extreme excitement on his face. He looked younger. “None of my friends have kids, so I will happily take you up on that.” 

“My name is Natalia Romanova.” All heads turned towards the Black Widow, but she didn’t expand on her statement, simply crossed her arms and leaned back. Thor made sure to send a smile her way, and he could see her lips twitch up in one corner. 

Hah! God of Happiness he should be!

“Um… I kept getting PhDs because the real world scared me? Also I keep moving around so I don’t hurt anyone.” Dr. Banner seemed very unsure about his own confession. Thor made sure to squeeze his shoulder in mutual comradery. 

“If the real world still scares you, you’re welcome to bunk with me, Brucie Bear! I can get a nice lab set up for ya. Super-enforced walls and everything.” Dr. Banner blushed at Man of Iron’s invitation and didn’t immediately reject the offer, which seemed like a good sign to Thor. 

“I was banished to Midgard because I was so egoistic and bloodthirsty! But your quaint planet taught me much! I am happy to call you my Shield Brothers and Sister!” The Hawk clapped him on the back and Man of Iron winked at him across the table. 

The Captain was the next to speak, and he was visibly sheepish. “I’m not actually a Captain. Never went through officer training. I was only in basic training for a week.” 

Thor and the Man of Iron were the first to burst into uproarious laughter. The ‘Captain’ looked embarrassed until Stark patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry ‘Cap’ we won’t hold it against ya.” 

The Captain stared down at where Stark had patted his arm with a conflicted look on his face. “S-Tony, I’m… sorry for what I said yesterday. You proved I was wrong yesterday, but I finally believed it today.” 

Stark swallowed thickly and looked stunned. He quickly gathered his wits and sent a small smile. “Me too, Cap.” He patted the soldier’s arm once more before everyone returned to their previous positions. 

“While this was heart-warming and all, let’s get back on track. Stark has two minutes before his time is up. Anything I should know about the battle?” 

The Man of Iron bit his lip and Thor gave him an encouraging nod to speak up. “Uh, yeah one-eyed wonder, when I was in that portal… there were _thousands_ of ships and I don’t think that nuke took them all out. I don’t… I don’t think this was a one-off thing.” 

Stark’s jaw muscle jumped as he looked down at his slightly shaking hands. Thor had seen that expression on Loki many times in their youth. He expected to be brushed off. “I believe Stark is correct. The Chitauri are known throughout the galaxy as being foot soldiers for another. Like I said the other day, your work with the tesseract was a signal to other planets that Midgard has reached an adequate technological level to support intergalactic war.”

Fury sighed with a pinched face. “We already met some aliens back in the 90s, it’s how I lost my eye… We weren’t completely unaware. I’ll send a briefing to you all. If this team is a thing, you need to be informed. Now, you’re all dismissed.” Stark was the first out of his seat and racing for the door.

As everyone was filling out the door, Fury called out, “My confession; Coulson’s alive!” 

“MOTHERFU-”

“Papa!” 

**Author's Note:**

> Needed to get this off my chest. I couldn't sleep so I just mentally wrote out this fic. I think I knocked this out in like, 2 hours. This is my first Marvel fanfic and in case you couldn't tell, I love Tony Stark and he deserved better. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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